Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
