the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
