Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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