Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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