very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I wear drunk well.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
