To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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