that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Hippo gnu deer
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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