my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
