Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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