It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
