a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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