Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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