Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I want her autograph on my taint
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
