my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
