I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
