I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
