just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i dont even know how to be here
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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