Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
