You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
