So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
