I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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