I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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