Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
