Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just found puke in my bra..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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