You smell like a Billy Joel song
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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