The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
