Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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