you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
