Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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