4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
