Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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