Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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