Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
