are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
