i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
