i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
