In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
