Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
