just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
