Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
