i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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