the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
