I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
