oh god the rape fog is back!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
