He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
