You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
