Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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