I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she told me i tasted like america
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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