Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Is it because I queefed?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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