I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
