He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
being pregnant is like rehab
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
