i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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