The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize