Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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