omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
