I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She's the barista slut.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
