I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
