You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The beer is more important than you right now.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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