I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
