Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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