i want to swaddle you in tequila
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
