well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize