my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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