When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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