This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Pants are for mortals
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
